02 September 2011

Live with PASSION
God has put passion into my life in many different forms; my dreams are ever-changing. With college having started, I’ve been faced with the question of “what do I want to do with my life?” & “where do I go from here”? It’s scary how fast time flies by; it seems like just yesterday I was a carefree, innocent, & energetic little child; now I’m an adult in college….scary!!
I’ve always been the kind of person who wants to go “BIG”; if you’re going to something, why not do your best?! My heart, however, was in the wrong place; I wanted to be KNOWN,. When I dream, I dream BIG; I wanted a career that was IMPORTANT, WELL-THOUGHT of, & most of all EXCITING! I had many ideas of what this looked like; I wanted to be the next Usain Bolt, Miss America, etc. but I wanted these things for my OWN glory.
When I heard God calling me into the medical field, I’ll admit: I like Jonah, ran. When He called me into nursing I ran even harder; I’d do anything BUT nursing – it was too common & boring, let alone humbling to me. I asked God, “if you want me to go into the medical field, why settle for the lowest degree? I want to be the next Dr. Oz. Everyone’s a nurse; how is that special?! I don’t want to be JUST ANOTHER nurse- I wanna go BIG!!” Well, God alone COMPLETELY turned my heart around; when I let go of MY desires He was able to work. God indeed performed more than a miracle – He gave me “new eyes” & EXCITEMENT for His plan. I now see the medical field & nursing in a new light. ANYTHING can be exciting- excitement is a choice made within yourself. 
In college I’m taking an Intro to Nursing class- I realize I totally minimized the duties, impact, 
& values of a nurse; God has showed me that no job is "better" or more valuable than another;
 the same is true for people. I wanted to be the BEST- my heart is evil & deceives me.
 Perfectionism can drive me to extreme measures as NOTHING I DO will ever be good
 enough until I accept myself & my value in CHRIST!
 “"Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
     “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns

 I always thought that once you “gave everything to God once”, it was gone for good – it was a one shot deal & didn’t need to be renewed. I gave my dreams for my future, my game plan, over to God; why did I still feel a longing for this plan; better yet, why did I still REMEMBER what was wiped clean?! Once again, I was reminded that I am merely human; I have to give everything over to God, in the words of Leigh Ann Brisbin “moment by moment”- it’s not a onetime deal! Wouldn’t it be awesome if I wasn’t human; if I never sinned; Oh how I long for Heaven!!
I have once again submitted my future, dreams & goals into God’s hands; I hate that I have to do it so often, but once again I am a fallen human being! I don’t know what the future holds; I THOUGHT I wanted to be a nurse @ ACH, but now my heart is fully open to whatever God’s plan is; maybe that’s part of His plan, I don’t know; I believe that life is filled with uncertainty. I am going to do my human best to choose “moment by moment” to submit to God & to live with PASSION & EXCITEMENT, even if I don’t know why I’m excited; I want to be EXCITED & PASSIONATE about the unknown because I know that God is in control & the outcome will be beautiful.
College is a challenge, but what would life be without challenges- BORING!!! So many new friendships have been formed & new experiences explored. It’s scary, at times to be “on my own”- this world is a scary place but God always seems to come through, even when I can’t see or feel it.

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