07 July 2011

My Beautiful Exhausting Journey

Wow - I knew life was going to be crazy but God once again out-shown me! I'm so sorry, first of all, for not socializing more w/ everyone during these past 5 weeks - I've been working my butt off! I didn't by any means try to ignore anyone- I've just been overwhelmed with changes! I have to admit, when I don't put my full trust in God but instead try to get through life on my own, I feel WAY overwhelmed! It has been extremely difficult to find the balance between God, college & homework, a job, volunteering, friends, housework, etc. When I give it over to God, however I feel so free! It's so hard for me to grasp that God wants to take these burdens for me - that  life CAN be easier. I tend to always want to take the hard way, well most of the time! :) How can God allow life to be so easy? Don't I have to do something or have to work & earn anything?! I tend to make life circumstances more difficult then they actually are!

This week I had to write another essay on homosexuality and to find my voice in the world of writing. It was my "last chance" to speak my thoughts and to give my own opinion. I was beyond overwhelmed at the thought of speaking my mind, having to provide reasons for what I believed and also we weren't allowed to say "the Bible says this so I believe it". I gave this over to God to give me words. I kept telling myself my essay sucked & wanted to redo it, but couldn't because it was time to go to bed. The next day I dreaded reading my essay aloud; it had too much about God & I was terrified about being ridiculed and persecuted. Also, I thought again that it sounded like crap & made no sense. God once again proved me wrong! As I read my essay, my peers were speechless- not by what I had written but what God had written! I chose to let God work & speak through me & he more then fulfilled His promise! Previous essays which were read were about the cruelty, judgment, etc. of Christians, etc. I was so afraid of reading mine out of fear of judgment. However, when I read it some were moved to tears; I was SHOCKED! I thought it sucked & definitely minimized God's abilities! Hearts of people totally opposed to the "Christian view" were softened and I was awestruck by my God! They told me nothing needed to be changed & that I should write a book; please, I don't want you to think that I did this- it was merely God, although I WOULD like to take the credit! :) heehee. One of the strengths I've gained in this class is to think outside of the box- my essays are always unexpected and begin with twists leaving readers wondering "what in the world is she talking about?!" I LOVE to bring out unexpectedness and difference! I've searched & indeed found a way to bring out my own perspective on things & it's so amazing! I LOVE the shock factor!! This class has tested me in terrifying and excruciating ways, but I wouldn't change a thing! I've become stronger because of the grace of God! My hard work well-paid off! My goal was to do my best and to excel in this class - to improve my writing skills if writing was meant for me. God showed me that writing is indeed one of my callings - this class turned out to be amazingly challenging with incredible amounts of homework but God did indeed help me to excel at this class- PLEASE, I DO NOT want to brag! My intent is for you to see the INCREDIBLE strength of my God! He has once again proved me wrong!

After my Writing class I had to take my Algebra 2 final- I was terrified! It was on the computer which I hate! I like to write out my math & receive credit for a question even if I entered it wrong! Well, God helped me once again! I finished it in half the time I'd expected and got to go home & get ready b4 going into ACH; the lady at the surgery desk hurt her back so they wanted me to come in as soon as possible. After eating lunch & getting ready, I arrived b4 12 & got to work! I've NEVER run the desk during the day, let alone on a Wednesday(one of the busiest days!). God once again helped me- it was complete insanity up in the surgery waiting area! Everyone seemed to come at once & there was only one of me!! Doctors came out suddenly, the phone rang off the hook, I was running back & forth taking families back to recovery, & had to page the families for the doctors and nurses- this is all I remember as it went by so quickly! Wow- I have a new respect for those running the desk during the day on Wednesdays! I felt so incredibly overwhelmed to catch up, but once again God was right beside me. I felt like my head was going to explode yet had to stay "sane"! lol However, despite the insanity, God gave me a slight sense of calmness. Love keeps me going- I can't help but smile when I'm at ACH and yesterday wasn't an exception. I LOVE that place! Finally toward 4 it calmed down & I could actually sit down! lol I was reading my Bible & one couple asked me if my book was good- I was like YES! It's the Bible! I LOVE to be a witness and disciple for Christ! I wanted to leave by 4 because I still had my last final essay for the semester to write, but stayed for the sake of the families. One family had a child receiving a spinal fusion, so I wanted to stay & take them back to see their child. I told them I also had a spinal fusion & they were amazed & encouraged. The doctors were running WAY behind schedule, so I stayed to help them out. Finally the time arrived to take the family back to the ICU waiting area. On the way there we talked as it's quite a distance back there. She questioned me about the surgery & recovery, etc. I'm so GRATEFUL God chose me to receive this surgery & placed me there as hope to a hurting family- it makes everything beyond worth it!! I can now encourage & advise others who also require surgery & can be a living example- I can sympathize!! Wow- I NEVER anticipated this b4 surgery as I didn't know anyone who also had a spinal fusion. The doctors here are AMAZING! Well, most of them! lol Tomorrow I get to go back @ 8 AM until 4! Woohoo! No school!! God really does make beauty from ashes! 

Last night once I FINALLY got home I had to write a paper. :( Well, our power went out to make things even more difficult! So, I finished my other assignments due today which did not require internet and then went to bed. This morning God helped me to finish my essay & to complete all of my other final homework! I can only pray that God uses my essay to speak to others & that it even makes sense! I pray that my voice, God's voice would be made known loud & clear; that I can make a stand! I was terrified of my grades because of the intense competitiveness in nursing- I want so badly to be a nurse & will do anything God leads me to do. However, I was trying at times to do it on my own- didn't work out so well! :) I've learned to put my full trust in God as scary as that is! He hasn't let me down so far, so I'm trusting Him! I still have doubts, insecurities and fears but God is substantial. I pray that His will becomes my own! God, use me!!

1 comment:

Bob M said...

You are amazing and the God we serve is out of this world. Just wish I could always remember that in my daily intersects with adversity. Keep it up Chelsea!