Roller Coaster Ride

Slow down…possibly the hardest thing for this girl to do; I’m addicted to adrenaline and taking it easy is quite frankly the hardest thing for me to do. An oh so unwanted virus has entered my body, causing havoc this past week and resting was, to be honest, the last thing this daredevil wanted to do! It seems to be that ever since my body is recovered from Anorexia, I get sick much more often; maybe it’s just the fact that I can actually understand and listen to my body that has changed. Yesterday, after compromising my weakening immune system for far too long, I took a break, doing absolutely nothing all day except rest and hating every second of it; I had to keep telling myself it’s ok to rest every once in a while and not every day needs to be productive to counter the distortions running through my vulnerable mind. In a way, it was a relief to lie on the couch all day because I could barely get up without intense lightheadedness, migraines, nausea, and back pain pushing me back down, along with sore throat making it difficult to swallow as well as rotating episodes of fever and chills making it that much harder to get comfortable. As I’m sure you very well know, my greatest hatred is to show pain; I’ve learned to accept it and move on with my life in attempts to prohibit anything from slowing me down. When I heard that my youth group was going to Quail Hollow, my heart skipped a beat and I just couldn’t say no, despite what my body was saying; fresh air is so refreshing to my soul but when my body is fighting off illness, the wind and cold don’t feel quite as refreshing (who would’ve guessed? ;) )! The first thing we did was, of course, a sport! As much as I knew I shouldn’t play, I gave in by telling myself it’s not that bad (sound familiar?); while running to first base I started seeing spots and everything around me started to blend together in a blur; my teammates yelled “dive” (since they obviously knew me a little too well) but I replied with a sudden “I would but I feel like I’m going to throw up” leaving nothing but blank stares! I then decided I’d better not play and as much as my stubborn will wanted to keep going, my brain countered it by doing the opposite. The fresh air felt good and the company lifted my spirits, but unfortunately it was not enough to rid my body of this nasty virus.

Ok, I get it…you hate me- the very essence of my God created soul and being- and won’t be satisfied until there’s nothing left; sorry to “rain on your parade” devil, but this chick is not ok with that nor is her Father of the Universe who will at the least kick your sly little butt for attacking His Beloved Princess. The devil is a sly little booger who tries to steal my smile and genuine laughter, but it’s going to take a lot stronger ammunition to keep this fighter down. Today, at the verge of tears and wanting nothing more than to disappear, my God rescued me from the relentless attacks of the enemy to safety in His arms where He romanced me, His Beloved Princess and reminded me why I love Him oh so much!

This morning I awoke with anticipation and joy to see my twin sister again in exactly one week after six months completely apart from each other; I am so incredibly excited to bring her home, so I’ve been getting everything ready just as if I were bringing a newborn baby home! ;) lol I’ve gone a little crazy with the cleaning as our room and bathroom is absolutely spotless and thanks to my morning energy, our closet is now color coordinated and perfectly organized, which probably won’t last long! ;) I spent all morning putting winter clothes away and replacing their spots in the closet with our colorful and vibrant summer clothes- oh how I love summer!

When I got to ACH, something didn’t seem right; I was so excited to see everyone due to missing last week, but after some cruel untrue accusations aimed at my heart I wanted nothing more than to run to my closet and cry, where I’d be safe and no one could see my vulnerable and aching soul. As much as the devil wanted to take away my smile and laughter ever-present at Akron Children’s, God overpowered his wicked deeds and intentions by placing beauty around every corner. As I did my devotions at the desk, God revealed Himself to me in innumerable ways and opened my eyes to the fact that those living thousands of years before me faced the same trials and temptations yet God used them in miraculous ways to bring freedom and healing to this fallen land; contrary to my prior beliefs, He showed me that David, Solomon, Abraham, Esther and all of the other amazing people mentioned in the Bible were ordinary people just like me who chose to surrender to the incomprehensible power of the God Almighty. As I drenched myself in His word, He kept romancing me, taking away all my pain and healing my bleeding heart; a mother asked me to hold her newborn and I, of course, was not against that! To feel his chest rise and fall with each breath as he slept so soundly, snores escaping his precious little lips was healing to my wounded soul and revived in me the passion to change these children’s lives in any way I can by something as simple as love. As I sat at the desk, people kept affirming my undeserving self by words filled with love; affirmations speak to my soul and show me the beauty I cannot see in myself. I didn’t wear a flower in my hair today and boy did everybody notice- I guess they’ve gotten used to the bright pops of color and said the atmosphere was a little duller and less cheerful without it! To top off my day, just when I thought life couldn’t get any more beautiful, my Mixbooks I put my heart and soul into arrived looking more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. There is no doubt in my mind that my God loves me as He just keeps romancing me when I least expect it nonetheless deserve it.

As I sit here typing, I just got word that my long lost twin sister has just arrived in Columbus which is a miracle in itself due to the complications in the Himalayas; the government was shut down due to overthrowing and an intense hunger for power leading to riots breaking out across the land. God gave the team wisdom and led them to a hotel near the airport where safety and transportation surrounded them and brought them home safely with many stories to tell; I can’t quite imagine the atmosphere of five teams of missionaries in foreign lands reunited with each other after six months sounds- a part of me aches to be in the middle of the unimaginable excitement present around every corner but that is what keeps me patient for my turn in exactly one week! And to make things even sweeter, I get to spend a week with the team as well as many other friends at Bethel Camp as a videographer! Woohoo! Bring on the adventure!