Awestruck

Each semester brings forth such an amazing and eye-opening learning experience, leaving me with yet more knowledge; my brain has proven to me that it can hold more information than I’ll ever know- when I feel like it will explode from one more detail stuffed into its delicate folds, it proves me wrong, first of all by not exploding and second of all by finding room for yet more knowledge. This semester may very well be the most stressful one yet; cramming what is known as the hardest upper division class into five weeks, 1/3 of the normal time, has proven to be more stressful and time consuming than my naïve mind could ever even begin to imagine. As it comes to a close in my final week, I am absolutely awestruck by my God and cannot deny in anyway His unending love for me. First of all, He has gotten me through these absolutely brutal five weeks and has more than exceeded my expectations and even requirements to pass; there is nearly nothing as rewarding as seeing the blood, sweat and tears I shed more than paying off. I do not mean, in any way, to take away from the fact that God is the one who sustains my feeble legs nor do I intend to take credit for deeds beyond my own capability, which is basically everything but sin. Giving God the wheel while I sit right beside Him in the passenger seat is the most rewarding and beautiful thing there is; no mountain becomes too high to climb nor any star beyond my reach. It is true that “what is impossible for man is possible with God” and I will forever cling with all my might to this truth.

Human Physiology has taught me many life-changing and eye-opening things, but the fact that most sticks out to me is how much of a miracle I truly am; I now see the other side, through the eyes of a medical professional rather than a skeptical, uneducated, and naïve child. God loved me so much that He DENIED nature, His very own creation, just to keep me alive; I do not feel worthy of this completely incomprehensible and selfless love and sometimes want to push it aside in attempts to prove my worth, when the fact is that there is absolutely nothing I can do to make Him love me more or less; my mere existence is enough…worth this incomprehensible and selfless love. I cannot put into words the knowledge I’ve gained from being on both sides of the spectrum: the patient and the “expert”; I see all too clearly the reality that according to the power of this world, I should be dead. I am left in awe, completely speechless as I NOW get it…I understand the doctor’s concerns, the reactions of my body, and most of all…the fear of my family. For far too long I took for granted my mere life and existence without realizing the fact that at any moment I could enter into a coma…that any medical tragedy was within my grasp. As I look at the discharge papers from my multiple hospital stays and see the words hypokalemia, bradycardia, heart arrhythmia, dehydration, malnutrition and so many other terms I cannot currently recall, I no longer look with confusion but can picture exactly what was occurring. Through this I am reassured that I am on the right path, with God directing every step; my heart jumps at the thought of sharing with others what God is capable of doing and in fact will do for each and every one of His creations if they would just come back to Him; He denied nature to get me back and is capable of doing the same for you. His love for you is so vast that He will do anything to bring you back into His arms of love; the only thing holding you back is yourself.

I am also amazed by the diversity God has bestowed upon my fragile self. For so long I lived in a black and white world, surrounded by dullness and free from individuality; I believed only one thing could define me, according to the world’s as well as my own self-imposed standards. I’ve come to see that diverse is how God intended me to be; I will never be boring, that’s for sure! God created my soul for adrenaline, among many other things; my heart leaps at the thought of a new adventure and is driven by spontaneity. Despite the world’s opinion, diverse is how I was created: most days Under Armour is my preferred outfit of choice, but I also adore fashion and “fabulosity”. Sweat is my companion as sports will forever remain a part of me; on the other hand, perfume, curled hair, as well as flowers in my hair also belong in my heart. There is a tenderness in my soul, a gentle spirit; oppositely, I have a fierceness about me, a relentless spirit unwilling to give up. My heart comforts and consoles as well as leaps at the thought of hunting- yes, killing animals. Tents and camping will always remain my friends as well as hotels and civilization. Although I could never live in high heels and dresses, there is a time when these things intrigue me. Bloody knees and sore muscles tag along beside me but relaxation and pedicures are never too far behind. As you hopefully can clearly see, there is not one single word to define the essence of Chelsea; my identity remains in the hands of my Potter, as He molds me into the creation He had in mind at the very first thought of me, that has never changed.