Redemption

It is November and over 60 degrees out- this is what I call beautiful!! No snow!! Driving coatless with my windows down in November; God’s ways of romancing me are so unexpected! (If you want to know what I mean by being romanced by the King/my Father/my Lover read the book Captivating by John & Stasi Eldridge).  Now, I’m going to tell you about the present and work backwards; life is so exciting that I don’t have the time to write multiple times a week!!

Well, today was full of random excitement and spur of the moment decisions- story of my recovery!! I LOVE the unexpectedness and craziness of life! Chemistry class was even emptier than last week; Sunday was the official drop date so our classroom is very bare. I miss the atmosphere of a big group in which I don’t have to answer all of the questions aloud since there are so many other dominating voices! With less than twenty students, I was left answering the majority of the questions which was an extremely awkward change; I’m not a fan of answering questions aloud since I’m always afraid I’ll say the wrong thing & embarrass myself in front of everyone!  After Chemistry I went to my Nursing class; we waited for ten minutes or so before finding out it was cancelled for the week! Today the blood mobile came to college; I wasn’t exactly anticipating donating a pint of blood, but God made it pretty obvious to me that I should- why not save lives during my hour or so break?! So, I went ahead and donated & in a record seven minutes, I might add! ;)

On Sunday we had communion; oh how I adore my church family!! This past week was full of repentance and starting anew which for me was much needed! The past couple of weeks have been extremely stressful for me; my college semester is wrapping up and I’ve been faced with a lot of decisions. I’m very much a perfectionist which only added to the stress! I’ve been expecting myself to earn straight A’s since I thought that was the only way to get into the nursing program next Fall; God showed me that I was putting WAYYY too much pressure on myself and that I just needed to place my life into His hands. As easy as it sounds, for me it is the opposite! I still possess a lot of competitiveness and perfectionism which I’m trying my hardest to let go of!! Surrender is such a moment by moment struggle for me! On Wednesday night my youth group was having a worship service and I felt God calling me earlier in the day to go; once the time finally arrived to go I was worn out from Biology class going late and really battled with staying at home since I’m not a fan of being late!! God brought me to church, however and I will never regret going! I experienced an amazing moving of God’s spirit; it was a miraculous and powerful night- exactly what I needed to renew my strength!! I surrendered all of my worries over to God & asked for prayer; prayer is such a mighty weapon against the enemy! I cannot put into words the ever increasing relief I felt from stress; I no longer feared what to do and God gave me the courage to step out into the dark and make vital decisions affecting my future; the power of prayer should not be overlooked! I experienced the unconditional love of the body of believers; the atmosphere was filled with encouragement, humbleness and peace. I was reminded that God is my top priority and that I can’t go through life on my own but I need a body of people surrounding me. Anorexia does NOT agree with this as it tells me the lie that if I isolate myself I will be happiest; life truly is a battle but I now have the weapons necessary to defeat the enemy and his lies!

I cannot explain to you the burden that was lifted off of my shoulders from surrendering to God; I as well as everyone else am a victim of the devil’s evil schemes- he truly does creep in gradually and unexpectedly. However, he’s already lost; no matter how many times I fall down God is willing to pick me back up to VICTORY!

In Wednesday’s lab we performed EKG’s- a very familiar process to me due to many hospital stays and near death experiences. We’re learning about the heart, which I find fascinating because my own was once being eaten away at by my own body for survival due to malnutrition.  I am learning about so many familiar medical terms in which I have previously been diagnosed with; every day God shows me how truly dead I almost was but He chose to protect me for a reason I don’t yet know; He is not finished with me yet.

On Sunday I was asked to share a short testimony about what God is doing in my own life, so I agreed. Here’s what God called me to say: “Tonight I want to share with you a little glimpse of what God has done and is continuing to do in my life. One thing God has been showing me throughout my life is to totally depend on Him and trust Him with my life.

There was a time when I hated God’s plan for my life and became angry towards Him. Three years ago when I found out I had to have a spinal fusion I resented God’s seemingly hopeless and disturbing plan. Why would He take sports away from me: my pride and joy; my calling to life; the one thing I excelled at?! Why me and why now?! I tried for so long to make my own dreams for my future come true- to find my own purpose besides Him. I remember sitting in the waiting room during my second week post-surgery checkup, when my dad told me I should be a nurse. I told him, ‘No way! That is the last thing I want to do and would enjoy!!’ The hospital was the last place I wanted to work- doctors were my enemy and medicine was a battlefield. I told God I’d go anywhere but the medical field; I wanted to have nothing to do with doctors as they were only there, I thought, to make me look weak and to point out imperfection.

After a long battle of running from God’s plan, I finally surrendered my own dreams and desires and accepted my future as a nurse. After I returned from Remuda Ranch I began volunteering at ACH; I found a new happiness and joy which came from serving others and being content with where God had me. I’ve been volunteering there for well over two years now, and strangely I can’t imagine myself anywhere else- it’s become almost like a second home to me. A couple of months ago I was asked to run the surgery desk at ACH; let’s just say that God is using my own experiences to comfort others going through the same or similar struggles- who are scared and hurting. I’ve gotten the chance to encourage many families who are in the same place I was three years ago; the doctors predictions are TRUE as I am now playing sports again and am able to live an active an healthy life. It’s amazing to share with them the hope that is possible and to encourage them to keep on running the race. God has used my own experiences to comfort others who are hurting but may think we have nothing in common- one thing we share is pain! I know what it’s like to feel hopeless and to want to give up! Another thing I’ve experienced is a change of heart in the way I see doctors; I’m now privileged to form relationships between doctors and to see them for who they really are; who were once my enemies are now my ‘friends’.

I’m currently following God’s calling into nursing. I am in college for nursing – the one thing I said I’d never do!!  God has been teaching me to totally depend on Him- this is not an easy road as there are only fifty students accepted to the program annually. Surrender has had to become a continual process for me; to realize that my life is not my own and to surrender my plans and ambitions- everything to Him! My future is in the hands of the King!!”